she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
