These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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