I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize