idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
