I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
