just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
