Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
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