Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
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