I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
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