so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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