I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
