I feel like I'm in dance class right now
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
