I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
