Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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