Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
