He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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