so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
