I must be too annoying 4 u.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
