Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
