just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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