my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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