Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Randomize
