i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
