would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
