I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Randomize
