i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
