I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
