my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
