4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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