If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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