Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Randomize
