I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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