Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
