I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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