I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
