I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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