I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
