Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
