So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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