While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Randomize
