At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
