Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
