I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
