I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
