You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
