i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
