You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
