he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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