It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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