I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
