D3 body, D1 cock
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
