Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
