do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
COCAINE IS GR8
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
