You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize