Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
