Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
