Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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