Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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