you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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