I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
