Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
