i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
