You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
