That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize