he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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