Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
People in love make me want to vomit
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
