dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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