We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
