And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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