just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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