wakey wakey hands off snakey
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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