Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
