And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
