Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
