I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
