Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
