there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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