She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
