dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
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