I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
