at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
