you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize