I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
